"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
