my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
