My first STD was from a foam party
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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