just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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