benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
