I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
