even my farts smell like vagina
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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