I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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