this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
