How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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