Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
