I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
