every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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