Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
