got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
