she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
