So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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