I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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