If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The air was thick with penises
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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