my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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