ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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