Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
