I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
