we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
