I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
