they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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