the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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