Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
