Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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