"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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