His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
