Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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