What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
