I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
