best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
