I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
