im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
