I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
