You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
