She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did i walk over a car last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
