Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
