What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
