he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
