I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
