put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
