allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
