Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
