at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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