why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
