here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just googled if crying burns calories
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
