whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
