I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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