I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
