): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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