Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
zippers are such a cool invention
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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